Positive thinking is everywhere. Scroll through Instagram or pick up a self-help book, and you’ll hear that if you just “think positive,” your problems will disappear. Celebrities, influencers, and coaches all swear it’s the secret to success, and they make it sound effortless. But for many of us, especially those carrying trauma or working in high-risk jobs, that advice feels a bit hollow.
I’ve always had a knack for spotting what’s wrong. Whether it’s in a conversation, a situation, or a workspace, my brain zeroes in on danger or imbalance. That’s not because I’m negative for the sake of it. Partly is trauma, I’ve learned to scan for threats to stay safe. And partly, it’s my trade. I’m a trained electrician. Risk assessing isn’t optional; it’s life-saving. If something goes wrong, people get hurt. I’ve spent years wired—literally and emotionally—to look for the worst-case scenario.
That’s why When the Body Says No by Dr Gabor Maté was such a powerful read. In one chapter, he flips the script on the whole “positive vibes only” narrative. He says:
“In order to heal, it is essential to gather the strength to think negatively... it is a willingness to consider what is not working. What is not in balance? What have I ignored? What is my body saying no to?”
When the Body Says No, p. 302
This was a lightbulb moment for me. What if negative thinking wasn’t a flaw, but a signal? What if, instead of pushing it away, we sat with it and listened?
Too often, we treat negative emotions like something to overcome or avoid. But what if they’re showing us something we need to face? When we’re willing to ask, “What’s not working?”, we open the door to change. We become honest about our limitations, our stress, our pain, and we can finally do something about it.
This isn’t about becoming cynical or wallowing in misery. It’s about looking at your life with clear eyes. What’s out of balance? Were are you pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t? Counselling is one way we start answering those questions. It’s not just about talking things through, it’s about learning to face the things we’ve been avoiding.
There’s a hidden strength in negative thinking. When things fall apart, when life hands us disappointment or pain, we’re being handed an opportunity. It may not feel like it in the moment but those moments highlight what needs our attention. They show us where we’re stuck, where we’re hurting, and where we might grow.
That’s how real change happens. You spot the cracks, and instead of ignoring them, you repair them. Or you knock the whole wall down and rebuild it stronger. That’s not weakness. That’s resilience.
Negative thinking can also deepen our emotional intelligence. When we stop trying to put a positive spin on everything, we’re better able to process grief, anger, and sadness. We stop gaslighting ourselves. We begin to understand what our bodies, minds, and hearts are really telling us.
This kind of thinking also boosts self-awareness. When we allow ourselves to acknowledge our darker thoughts, we start to recognise patterns. Maybe we keep ending up in the same kind of relationship, or burning out the same way at work. Negative thinking helps us identify these patterns. It shines a light on our blind spots. And with that awareness comes the chance those patternts.
One of the most dangerous things about the “positive thinking” movement is how it shames people for feeling bad. If you’re anxious or grieving or struggling, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing at life just because you’re not smiling. That’s where toxic positivity creeps in, and I will dig into that more in another post.
For now, I’ll say this: genuine, grounded positivity doesn’t mean ignoring what’s hard. It means facing it, moving through it, and growing from it. And to do that, we need the full picture, the good and the bad.
True healing starts when we stop pretending everything’s fine.
Only then can we do something about it.